I sat and I cried when my grandmother died. It was many years ago but I still remember the loss I felt. The kindest, wisest, most loving person I had ever known was gone. My world seemed to be missing something so important to my well being.

I sat and I cried and the tears were for me. I knew that she was finally out of the pain that cancer had visited upon her. She was free. Somewhere she was young again. Somewhere she was surrounded by so many loved ones. Somewhere the family she grew up with was together again.

I sat and I cried even though I knew all this to be true. If I could no longer have her physically in my life I wanted another person just like her. I wanted to begin a search immediately. I didn’t want the pain of her loss to last forever.

I sat and I cried for a long time because I knew down deep that there was no one else like her and I believed that I would always grieve.

I sat and I cried until one day I realized that she was a part of me that couldn’t be lost unless I rejected everything she ever taught me. She was more than just a part of my DNA. She was my memories. She was my patience. She was how I saw the world and it was a magnificent viewpoint.

I never sat and cried about her after that realization because the thoughts of her were no longer about loss but about the immense gratitude that she was my grandmother. My life changed again because I had traded loss for lucky. I think she would have approved the change.

(c)2014 All Rights Reserved, Patrick McBride

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