July 22nd, 2013
How do you get to feeling good when you are feeling bad? There are all kinds of people, germs, accidents and genetics that have a different agenda than making you happy. Sure, there are flowers and rainbows and wonderful songs and books and people but you can’t just tote them around in a backpack like some kind of happiness insurance.
We speak of the practice of music or medicine or meditation in order to become a good musician, doctor or meditator but what does it take to be feeling good? Practice!!
We love happiness. We revel in happiness when it appears. We pursue happiness as if it was the last bowl of ice cream on the planet. And we wait and we wait some more for it to show up again. Do we wait for education to show up? Do we wait for muscles to show up? No, we work at them. We practice. How do we practice feeling good?
First and most importantly, we start right now wherever we are and however we feel. Secondly, we commit to achieving a better feeling regardless of the stubborn voice in our head that tells us not to change course. And then we smile a small smile. A sincere, small smile. A smile that says we chart our own course. And then we smile a little bit bigger smile. And suddenly we feel the tiny flow of well being start up again. And then we tell ourselves that whatever is going on, IT’S OKAY. We don’t have to like it and we may want to change it as fast as we can but regardless, IT’S OKAY. We can handle it and we can handle it with the mood of our choosing. That’s incredibly powerful! That’s incredibly doable! That’s incredible you!
(c)2013 All Rights Reserved, Patrick McBride
www.PatrickInspires.com
May 6th, 2013
(You are Blessed!)
Anger makes little things large and makes the insignificant significant. It is a fire that devours everything and everybody in its wake. In its search for more fuel it will search every file in your memory for any person, place or thing that ever upset you at any time and make it feel current. How do you tame the beast?
First of all, getting upset at yourself for getting angry just adds fuel to the fire. Now you get to be mad at yourself along with everyone else. Don’t do that. Secondly, blame is to anger what a strong wind is to a forest fire. Stop blaming. Thirdly, stop thinking of your anger as a runaway train. You do have your hands on the controls at all times. Anger is just convincing you not to use them. Use them.
What I am about to tell you can change your life. When you feel anger rear its ugly but powerful head, clap your hands. Just like a hypnotist bringing someone back from a deep trance, clap your hands once and say to yourself; “My life is not fueled by anger. My life is fueled by love!”. This hits the emergency brake on your anger. BUT in the next critical moment you must understand that getting rid of your anger is going to leave a vacuum and if you don’t fill that vacuum with something, anger will be sucked back in.
The next critical step is to fill that now empty space with gratitude. Immediately start thinking about your blessings to the exclusion of everything else. It will be a struggle for a bit but a struggle that you can definitely win each and every time. Don’t let anger steal your peace of mind, your judgement or your relationships. Give it the clap.
(c)2013 All Rights Reserved, Patrick McBride
www.PatrickInspires.com
April 15th, 2013
(You have a voice!)
“What’s wrong?” The answer to this question will change your life. Maybe.
When you are asked; “What’s wrong?” your typical first response is: “Nothing.” Why do you have this quick, patented answer? Is it because you believe that your “stuff” isn’t important. Is it because you believe that you already know the response and where it will lead? Or maybe because you don’t want to rock the boat? Or do you believe that the other person can beat you or belittle you with the volume of their voice or their command of semantics or debate?
Whatever the reason for saying “Nothing” it is a lie if you truly feel something is wrong and lying always diminishes your self worth. It takes guts to tell the truth. It takes guts to not sugar coat your response. It takes guts not to preface your answer with cowering phrases like “You probably won’t agree but…” or “I might be totally wrong but…” or ” I might just be crazy but I…” or “You’ll probably get mad if I say this but…” and all the variations.
Speak up anyway! If you feel something is wrong, speak up! If you feel you have been abused, speak up! If you feel someone has treated you badly, speak up! If you feel that you are being cheated, lessened, cheated on, demeaned, ridiculed, belittled or hurt, speak up!
It is very important to remember that as you speak up you get the courage to continue. Great courage never comes before you speak. When you speak up you are righting a wrong. When you speak up you are honoring your own personal integrity. When you speak up the feces may come in direct contact with the oscillating blades but you will have stood toe to toe with your biggest fears and said “Get out of my way. I’ve got something to say!”and a bigger, better you is born.
(c)2013 All Rights Reserved, Patrick McBride
www.PatrickInspires.com
January 28th, 2013
(Got Drama?)
Drama is the attention getter because drama gets rewarded. Tell someone that you are getting better in any area of your life and you get a nod and a quick smile but tell them things are getting worse and the addition of drama brings their concern and their attention. What’s your story? Is it about what you have overcome or is it about what crushed you? Is your life a drama and are you known for that? Do people expect that another thing has broken in your life? Drama is a story of poor little me. It doesn’t serve you. It depletes you. We all have good times and not so good times. What we dramatize grows.
Drama gets attention and makes us feel a certain kind of special. We have to ask ourselves what is the price we pay for drama? We know the reward. We know there will be attention, concern, our short comings will be disregarded, maybe even some help but what’s the price? Every bit of drama in our life is another hole in our boat, too many and we sink into a sea of negativity perhaps forever. The little rewards are not worth it! It’s like the little old ladies who sit playing the nickel slots and are always surprised to see their change cup empty. “But I was winning!” they say.
There’s no joy in drama. We say we want happiness but how can we be happy if our story is about who did us wrong and the things that have gone wrong for us. Happiness is about celebration not drama. Celebrate being alive and having a chance to be even better. Love and kindness and laughter have rewards too. They are not gossiped about and they certainly don’t get you much attention but choosing them is choosing the very best parts of life. Without drama you are just you. That really is enough. That really is the best. That really is perfect.
We all know how to lose weight. How about we all go on a drama reducing diet? Your clothes won’t fit any better but people will be looking more at your glow, your lightness and your smile. Got drama? Get rid of it.
(c)2013 All Rights Reserved, Patrick McBride
www.PatrickInspires.com
December 17th, 2012
(You are a Leader!)
What’s going on in the world? You probably know about the tension between Israel and Iran and you probably know about what’s going on in Afghanistan and sadly, you know what happened in Newton, Connecticut but what’s going on in your world? Yes, there are two worlds. There is a planet with seven billion people and oceans and mountains and cities almost too numerous to count and you live there. There is also another world and that is your personal world.
Your personal world is made up of all the people you come into contact with at anytime. Some stick around for a lifetime and some for only a moment or two. You influence them and they influence you in small or large ways. How’s your personal world looking? Are there tensions and wars? Is there a disparity of incomes? Are there great differences of opinion? Are there some age old grudges? Are there cries for help that go unanswered?
Your world and the big world have a lot in common. In fact, in some respects they are identical. We sit in our kitchens or desk chairs and voice or type our opinion on exactly how to fix the big world but we resign ourselves that some people in our personal world are toxic or liars or uncaring and so we focus on the illusion of fixing the big world.
The big world was never your job. All you have ever had to do is to take care of your personal world. All you have to do is make your own world more loving. All you have to do is to be a good example and foster great love and compassion for a very limited number of people. Turn off the news and pick up the phone. Forget about letters to the editor and send a letter to someone close that’s hurting. Forget about getting nations together at the peace table and instead get everyone you love to the dinner table. Forget about disarming the world and instead work on disarming your tongue. Forget about what the planet needs and find out what your neighbors and friends need.
You’ve been given the stewardship of a world, your personal world. Look at the people around you. How are you doing?
(c)2012 All Rights Reserved, Patrick McBride
www.PatrickInspires.com
December 10th, 2012
(You are in Charge!)
If you were sitting at your computer and screen after screen of violins popped up, you could deduce with nearly 100% accuracy that you were doing it. If you were sitting alone in your car and the radio stations started to change to different ones you had preset, it would be a pretty good bet that you had something to do with it.
When you feel angry, unloved, upset or put upon, guess what? You are doing it. It may be by default. It maybe because you’ve got a damn good reason for feeling like that but no matter how good the reason, it’s your hand on the buttons. People can’t push our buttons, contrary to popular belief. People act a certain way and WE push the response button that we believe is justified. Sometimes (most times) there is little or no thought given to our response. We’ve learned that a certain reaction serves us well and it goes on auto pilot.
There is a secret to changing all of this. There is a secret to getting control of your emotions. The secret to responding not in a way you always have, not in a way that puts the other person in their place but in a way that best serves you each and every time is… THE POWER OF PAUSE AND CHOOSE.
When we were kids we were told to count to ten before we emotionally exploded. That was some of the best advice ever! It was the perfect P&C formula and guess what? It worked. Somewhere along the line we decided that if we paused, the other person had a chance to jump in and take control of the conversation so we kept talking and reacting. We became mere robots with pre programmed responses.
Do want to live your life as a free person? Do you want to be in charge of how you feel under any and all circumstances? Then start practicing P&C today. Pause and let your heart catch up with your mind and Choose the response that best serves you. Pause and give infinite intelligence a chance to speak through you. Choose your words and actions not out of anger or hurt but out of love and respect for yourself. It’s a whole new feeling and a very, very good one.
(c)2012 All Rights Reserved, Patrick McBride
www.PatrickInspires.com
December 3rd, 2012
(You are Resilient!)
Do you want a perfect world? Do you want a world free of suffering and strife? Do you want a world where everyone in every country holds hands and sings a really cool song? Sorry, wrong planet.
Let’s get real for a moment. Our world is filled with every imaginable and unimaginable person, place and thing. It is the greatest amusement park, museum, movie, sitcom, documentary, boxing ring and concert. It has cancer and it has warm, fresh bedsheets. It has great love and great loss. It has a plethora of both laughter and tears. It has it all, the good, the bad and certainly the ugly. So where, if anywhere, is perfection?
Perfection lies not in this world but in your judgement of this world of ours. EVERYTHING on this planet has its place and its reason for existence. Is it perfect? Yes it is, in a way. It’s perfect if you love kaleidoscopes, and changing seasons and sunrises and sunsets. It’s perfect if you can love change. You don’t have to love polliwogs and warthogs. You just have to love change.
There is a part of the day that you love but you would soon tire of it if there was no other time of the day. It changes and that’s perfect. There are puppies that are not house trained. It changes and that’s perfect. There are things you don’t understand and then you get older and you understand. It changes and that’s perfect. You criticize yourself and the world and then comes the day when you accept both just the way they are. It changes and that’s perfect.
Like the weather, if you don’t like the way the world is, stick around and it will change whether you want it to or not. Life is not about stagnation. Endless bliss or perfection would be stagnation. Life is about being alive and surprised and challenged. Life is about experiencing and growing. Life is a series of wonderful, horrible, marvelous changes. Embrace that and life is an amazing adventure.
When you were born, a voice whispered in your ear. “Welcome to this planet. Your changes will arrive shortly. Enjoy your stay.” Perfect!
(c)2012 All Rights Reserved, Patrick McBride
www.PatrickInspires.com
November 19th, 2012
(You are Healing!)
OMG! You made a mistake! You said, did, wrote, acted out, unloaded, lost it, overreacted or just plain chose poorly and now you feel bad. It may have happened a minute ago or decades ago but you are still suffering. Nothing can make you feel as worthless or as crummy as when this mistake comes to mind and what’s worse, there’s a few of them!
Give Yourself A Break. Yeah, you. You have forgiven others over and over again but for some reason, it seems impossible to forgive yourself. Every time you refuse (that’s right, it’s not that you can’t forgive yourself. It’s that you refuse to do it!) to forgive yourself you add another link to the chain that you carry. Pretty soon any forward progress is impossible in your life because of the weight of all the links in your chain. Oh, you’ll say that luck isn’t with you or the right opportunities haven’t come your way but you know it’s the chain.
Today, right now, you can make that chain disappear. You can start by Giving Yourself A Break. You can decide right now to be kind to yourself. You can get rid of the strict teacher, father, mother, priest, minister voice and allow the the healing, loving, compassionate, caring, loving voice to be the dominant voice by simply listening to one voice to the complete exclusion of the other. (You’ve got some experience at that already)
Whatever mistake you made, it is in the past. You may still be paying for it in some way or another but you don’t have to hate yourself for it. It happened, you take full responsibility and you allow it to be an experience and not a whip. Close your eyes and mentally hug yourself. Soothe yourself. Tell yourself that as of today, the chains are off. Tell yourself that you can’t change even the smallest thing in the past but starting today, you are going to live the most loving, compassionate life you can lead and every time that you feel like beating yourself up, you’re going to mentally hug yourself and know that you deserve that break. Repeat and repeat and be free.
(c)2012 All Rights Reserved, Patrick McBride
www.PatrickInspires.com
October 22nd, 2012
(You are Stronger!)
What do other people think of you? Does it matter? We like to imagine that other people’s opinions don’t matter but the reality is that they do. People can cheer us up with a smile or a wink or hurt us terribly with words that strike us like the crack of a whip. Sometimes the influence is subtle. For instance, you’re feeling absolutely fine and somebody comes up to you with a very concerned look on their face and they say gravely, “Are you okay?” and instantly you begin to wonder where before there was no doubt at all.
The fact is that we have gotten our cues on how to live from the actions or the words from those around us since the day we were born. So, the question isn’t really whether we are affected by others but more importantly, how do we minimize getting hurt by others.
My grandmother, God rest her soul, was unschooled but one of the wisest women I ever met. Her answer to this age old question was the best I ever heard and it shapes my life to this day. She said, “When faced with hurtful words being thrown at you, always consider the source. Is that person worthy of your admiration? If they are, there might be some truth in what they are saying. If they are not worthy of your admiration, then it’s about them not you.”
Look around, we all have toxic people somewhere in our lives. Some are coworkers or family or neighbors or “friends” or friends of friends. Do you admire them? Of course not. Then why do they matter? Because you make it about you and not about them. Listen to my Grandmother, “It’s not about you. It’s about them!!” Observe them, pity them, stonewall them, ignore them but for Heaven’s sake, don’t believe them. You’re better than that and you know it!
(c)2012 All Rights Reserved, Patrick McBride
www.PatrickInspires.com
October 1st, 2012
(You are Optimistic!)
Why is change so difficult? You may want to lose weight, change jobs, change your relationships, exercise regularly or improve any area of your life and so you make a commitment to change because the “new” you will be so much better and happier. BUT, pretty soon, instead of feeling better you start feeling worse. What happened?
When we start to change, we hold a picture of future happiness and it is exactly that picture that pulls us out of where we are. This is a good thing. The problem is however that we don’t go without some amount of resistance! We don’t resist change because of future happiness. We all want that. We resist change because of the interim. The time that we are neither our old self nor our new self. This is called the bridge of transformation. You have to have the courage and patience to cross it or change just can’t happen.
No one is comfortable on the bridge. It’s scary and the winds of change are always blowing. Your old life is constantly yelling for you to turn around and come back to what is at least familiar. You will listen and you will slow your pace but don’t you dare look back! No matter how slow your pace, keep going! Many times the bridge is longer than it seemed but don’t let that stop you. Your old ways of doing things will keep calling but you just keep going. Let your mantra be: Patience and courage. Patience and courage. Patience and courage.
If you really want to make a change in your life, you have to hold a very clear picture of what the change will mean to you but you also have to understand that you are going to have to cross a bridge to get there. It will always be an uncomfortable trip but the key is to focus on just the next step. Every step will give you more strength. That’s the transformation. Whatever you want to do, be or have, it all starts with taking a step and you know what? It a great day to take one.
(c)2012 All Rights Reserved, Patrick McBride
www.PatrickInspires.com