February 25th, 2013
(Are You Offensive?)
Last year I was pondering on how bad I am at the game of chess. People always remarked how hard it was to beat me but in the end they always won regardless of how well I fought. It finally dawned on me that I spent all my time and energy on being defensive and little or no time on being offensive and actually winning. A huge “AHA” moment was on the verge of appearing.
Did this have greater implications in my life? Was I running my life like I play chess? Was I making sure that nothing bad happened to me and my family but not going for my dreams? Was I spending all of my time defending what I had instead of going for the score?
If you have ever watched a football game and seen the defense score a touchdown, you probably watched a huge celebration in the end zone. See, the defense doesn’t usually score. That’s not their job. If they just stop anything bad from happening, they’ve done their job. BUT that’s not all there is to winning. In order to win, you have to score. You have to put yourself out there and take a chance on getting tackled or maybe screwing up and fumbling. In other words, in order to win you have to go for it and risk failure, risk being criticized, risk being mocked, risk… well, everything.
Ask yourself, “Am I defending what I have or am I going for what I really want?” You can spend your entire life on the defense and just maybe you might get lucky and score OR you can get offensive. You can say “To hell with fear and the voices inside and outside my head that say I can’t make it, I’d be a fool to try! I’m on the offense now! I am going for the score!”
Whether it’s chess or football or life, you should play to win. No one will remember how well you defended what you had but generations will remember that you were brave enough to go for the win.
(c)2013 All Rights Reserved, Patrick McBride
www.PatrickInspires.com
February 11th, 2013
(You are Wrong!)
The three words that fill us with terror, have us scrambling for excuses or blame and automatically triggers a very defensive position are “You are Wrong!”These words have made us cringe since we were children. Things are different now that we have grown but our response is the same. Time for a change.
When we were children, we inadvertently did some things wrong. It was part of the learning process. As we grew older, we touched the hot stove less and we found out that we shouldn’t put a red shirt in the wash with our white clothes. We made less mistakes by accident. Now our mistakes were calculations that went astray, perceptions that were seen different in a different light. In other words, we are still making mistakes but most are conscious mistakes. When someone points out that we were wrong, we should, now that we are adults, study their evidence and if right, change and if wrong, defend our position. But that’s not how we react!
We expect to be humbled, punished, yelled at and made to feel stupid or inferior. Listen to this carefully- NO ONE HAS THE RIGHT TO YELL AT YOU OR BELITTLE YOU AT ANY TIME! NO ONE! No job is worth it. No relationship is worth it. No security is worth it. You are a human being with all the rights you demand. That’s right, not the rights you were given but the rights you demand.
If you make a mistake that tells me you are trying. If you make a mistake and you are open to a calm correction, that tells me you are growing. If you make a mistake and you are willing to change that tells me you are as strong as the oak tree that bends but never breaks. If you make a mistake and admit it that tells me you have courage. If you make a mistake and refuse to let anyone raise their voice to you or belittle you or bully you that tells me that you are an inspiration to everyone who knows you and if you are not there yet…it’s time for a change.
(c)2013 All Rights Reserved, Patrick McBride
www.PatrickInspires.com
January 21st, 2013
(Been Rejected Yet?)
Has someone ever not liked you? Has a friend turned out to be not a friend? Were you picked last for something? Did someone ever turn you down, break up with you, lie about you, lie to you? Of course they did! It’s called rejection and it hurts. It hurts very badly. What can you do???
First, cry. That’s right. Whether you are man, women or child, crying is a release that is like no other. It is so necessary that I dare say that no healing can take place without it. Once you’ve cried and cried, it’s time to stop crying and open your eyes. It’s time to force yourself to get up, shower, dress your best and take a deep breath and say ” I am stronger than this” and mean it!
You will get through this. It’s not going to happen overnight. It will still hurt long after you don’t want it to hurt. It will leave a scar. That scar will be sensitive. That scar is a battle scar. That scar says you were hurt, the bleeding is over, you healed and you’ve got the proof.
No one goes to their grave without scars but if they do, they would be the ones who placated everyone. They would be the ones who never stood up for themselves. They would be the ones who got walked on, the doormats that justified their existence by saying they were keeping the peace. The ones who silenced their own voice.
That’s not who you are. You are the one that got slapped by life, spit out the blood, cried and grew stronger. You are the one that grew in compassion because you know how it feels. You are the one that said “Things are going to change and I can do it and if it happens again, I’ll get through that too” Well done.
(c)2013 All Rights Reserved, Patrick McBride
www.PatrickInspires.com
January 14th, 2013
Pom-Poms Anyone?
Each of us is greatly influenced by support. Positive reinforcement works very well for people and animals of all species. Every child shapes his or her future by what they are praised for and what they are chastised for day in and day out. Dogs become house trained not by their own initiative but by what they are rewarded for with praise or treats. Every path in life is easier with support and praise. But what if there is no support or praise on our chosen path? What then?
Each of us has two choices when support is absent. We can pick up the whip and drive ourselves mercilessly or we can pick up the pom-poms and be our own cheerleader. Both are called motivation but only one will bring peace and joy into our lives. The whip is the symbol of criticism and a Machiavellian focus on the destination. The pom-pom is a symbol of support and joy and a focus on the journey.
Years ago, up in Maine, I watched a tractor pulling contest. Team after team of oxen were yelled at by big burly drivers and with whips cracking over their heads, the oxen pulled those sleds. I, along with everyone else there, was astonished to see a slight woman come with her team and just by talking approvingly to her team, win the contest.
We are no different than those oxen. We will respond and pull our load through life no matter what but who drives us will determine whether this is a beautiful journey or a drudge. There are two drivers inside each of us. Which driver we choose will affect our life and influence the lives of our children and everyone we love. Choose wisely.
(c)2013 All Rights Reserved, Patrick McBride
www.PatrickInspires.com
January 7th, 2013
Stepping on Glass
Walking barefoot and stepping on a piece of glass is usually a painful experience. I say usually because there is one place where that isn’t true. Go down to where the ocean waves crash upon the sand and there you will find pieces of glass that were once sharp, worthless shards but are now smooth treasures from the sea that we covet. What happened?
Our problems, be they relationships, job, money, spiritual or health related are sharp objects that cut into our psyche every time they come to mind. Time and time again they cut into our happiness. They continuously bleed us of any optimism or solution. There seems to be no way to handle them without pain. What can we do?
Let go. Throw it into the sea. “But I don’t live near the ocean” you say. I’m not talking about the salt water ocean. I’m talking about about the sea of consciousness. I’m talking about what I call God. When the pain becomes unbearable, I always say “Dear God. You have got my attention with this pain. Please take it away. Tumble it with your love and return to me the lesson.” It comes back looking the same as the pain but now it has no rough or sharp edges. Now it no longer cuts. Now it is a treasure, an important addition to my life, part of my wealth.
How many times have you heard a person describe their worst crisis as a blessing? It’s because the sharp edges are gone and they now see the treasure. Nothing that comes into your life is a punishment. Everything is a blessing. When you see your life this way, your life becomes better than it has ever been.
May all the glass you step on be smooth.
(c)2013 All Rights Reserved, Patrick McBride
www.PatrickInspires.com
December 17th, 2012
(You are a Leader!)
What’s going on in the world? You probably know about the tension between Israel and Iran and you probably know about what’s going on in Afghanistan and sadly, you know what happened in Newton, Connecticut but what’s going on in your world? Yes, there are two worlds. There is a planet with seven billion people and oceans and mountains and cities almost too numerous to count and you live there. There is also another world and that is your personal world.
Your personal world is made up of all the people you come into contact with at anytime. Some stick around for a lifetime and some for only a moment or two. You influence them and they influence you in small or large ways. How’s your personal world looking? Are there tensions and wars? Is there a disparity of incomes? Are there great differences of opinion? Are there some age old grudges? Are there cries for help that go unanswered?
Your world and the big world have a lot in common. In fact, in some respects they are identical. We sit in our kitchens or desk chairs and voice or type our opinion on exactly how to fix the big world but we resign ourselves that some people in our personal world are toxic or liars or uncaring and so we focus on the illusion of fixing the big world.
The big world was never your job. All you have ever had to do is to take care of your personal world. All you have to do is make your own world more loving. All you have to do is to be a good example and foster great love and compassion for a very limited number of people. Turn off the news and pick up the phone. Forget about letters to the editor and send a letter to someone close that’s hurting. Forget about getting nations together at the peace table and instead get everyone you love to the dinner table. Forget about disarming the world and instead work on disarming your tongue. Forget about what the planet needs and find out what your neighbors and friends need.
You’ve been given the stewardship of a world, your personal world. Look at the people around you. How are you doing?
(c)2012 All Rights Reserved, Patrick McBride
www.PatrickInspires.com
December 10th, 2012
(You are in Charge!)
If you were sitting at your computer and screen after screen of violins popped up, you could deduce with nearly 100% accuracy that you were doing it. If you were sitting alone in your car and the radio stations started to change to different ones you had preset, it would be a pretty good bet that you had something to do with it.
When you feel angry, unloved, upset or put upon, guess what? You are doing it. It may be by default. It maybe because you’ve got a damn good reason for feeling like that but no matter how good the reason, it’s your hand on the buttons. People can’t push our buttons, contrary to popular belief. People act a certain way and WE push the response button that we believe is justified. Sometimes (most times) there is little or no thought given to our response. We’ve learned that a certain reaction serves us well and it goes on auto pilot.
There is a secret to changing all of this. There is a secret to getting control of your emotions. The secret to responding not in a way you always have, not in a way that puts the other person in their place but in a way that best serves you each and every time is… THE POWER OF PAUSE AND CHOOSE.
When we were kids we were told to count to ten before we emotionally exploded. That was some of the best advice ever! It was the perfect P&C formula and guess what? It worked. Somewhere along the line we decided that if we paused, the other person had a chance to jump in and take control of the conversation so we kept talking and reacting. We became mere robots with pre programmed responses.
Do want to live your life as a free person? Do you want to be in charge of how you feel under any and all circumstances? Then start practicing P&C today. Pause and let your heart catch up with your mind and Choose the response that best serves you. Pause and give infinite intelligence a chance to speak through you. Choose your words and actions not out of anger or hurt but out of love and respect for yourself. It’s a whole new feeling and a very, very good one.
(c)2012 All Rights Reserved, Patrick McBride
www.PatrickInspires.com
December 3rd, 2012
(You are Resilient!)
Do you want a perfect world? Do you want a world free of suffering and strife? Do you want a world where everyone in every country holds hands and sings a really cool song? Sorry, wrong planet.
Let’s get real for a moment. Our world is filled with every imaginable and unimaginable person, place and thing. It is the greatest amusement park, museum, movie, sitcom, documentary, boxing ring and concert. It has cancer and it has warm, fresh bedsheets. It has great love and great loss. It has a plethora of both laughter and tears. It has it all, the good, the bad and certainly the ugly. So where, if anywhere, is perfection?
Perfection lies not in this world but in your judgement of this world of ours. EVERYTHING on this planet has its place and its reason for existence. Is it perfect? Yes it is, in a way. It’s perfect if you love kaleidoscopes, and changing seasons and sunrises and sunsets. It’s perfect if you can love change. You don’t have to love polliwogs and warthogs. You just have to love change.
There is a part of the day that you love but you would soon tire of it if there was no other time of the day. It changes and that’s perfect. There are puppies that are not house trained. It changes and that’s perfect. There are things you don’t understand and then you get older and you understand. It changes and that’s perfect. You criticize yourself and the world and then comes the day when you accept both just the way they are. It changes and that’s perfect.
Like the weather, if you don’t like the way the world is, stick around and it will change whether you want it to or not. Life is not about stagnation. Endless bliss or perfection would be stagnation. Life is about being alive and surprised and challenged. Life is about experiencing and growing. Life is a series of wonderful, horrible, marvelous changes. Embrace that and life is an amazing adventure.
When you were born, a voice whispered in your ear. “Welcome to this planet. Your changes will arrive shortly. Enjoy your stay.” Perfect!
(c)2012 All Rights Reserved, Patrick McBride
www.PatrickInspires.com
November 26th, 2012
(You are Rich!)
Are you walking past diamonds to get to the gold? We all have the same desires. We want to be moving towards happiness and we want to be moving far away from suffering of any kind. This is what we have in common. What we don’t have in common is how we see our present circumstances. It’s time to take inventory.
When you take inventory it is very important to focus on what you have and not what you have as compared to what other people have. First, you have to take a physical inventory. What’s working? Do not ask what isn’t working or what isn’t working as good as it used to because that will involve drama and drama always skews the results. Second, you have to take a love inventory. Who loves you and who has loved you in the past? Third, you have to take a worth inventory. What is your self worth? This is never to be confused with your net worth or again the results will be terribly skewed. Fourth, you have to take a service inventory. How have you been serving this world? Who have you helped?
Once you’ve taken a complete inventory, how does it look? Are there parts of your body working fairly well? Have you been loved by a relative, friend or teacher? Are you capable of improving yourself? Are there people who have been helped by your words, action or example? If you can answer yes to any of these questions then these are the diamonds in your life, the priceless kind. Are you looking for more of these or are you ignoring them while looking for stability, security and permanence. Those are merely the gold, important but nowhere near the worth of diamonds.
Know how wealthy you are in what really matters. Life, Love, possibilities and opportunity are the diamonds in your life. You are rich. Walk with your head high and your heart filled with gratitude and every time something brings you down, take out those diamonds and look at them. Like you, they are priceless.
(c)2012 All Rights Reserved, Patrick McBride
www.PatrickInspires.com
November 19th, 2012
(You are Healing!)
OMG! You made a mistake! You said, did, wrote, acted out, unloaded, lost it, overreacted or just plain chose poorly and now you feel bad. It may have happened a minute ago or decades ago but you are still suffering. Nothing can make you feel as worthless or as crummy as when this mistake comes to mind and what’s worse, there’s a few of them!
Give Yourself A Break. Yeah, you. You have forgiven others over and over again but for some reason, it seems impossible to forgive yourself. Every time you refuse (that’s right, it’s not that you can’t forgive yourself. It’s that you refuse to do it!) to forgive yourself you add another link to the chain that you carry. Pretty soon any forward progress is impossible in your life because of the weight of all the links in your chain. Oh, you’ll say that luck isn’t with you or the right opportunities haven’t come your way but you know it’s the chain.
Today, right now, you can make that chain disappear. You can start by Giving Yourself A Break. You can decide right now to be kind to yourself. You can get rid of the strict teacher, father, mother, priest, minister voice and allow the the healing, loving, compassionate, caring, loving voice to be the dominant voice by simply listening to one voice to the complete exclusion of the other. (You’ve got some experience at that already)
Whatever mistake you made, it is in the past. You may still be paying for it in some way or another but you don’t have to hate yourself for it. It happened, you take full responsibility and you allow it to be an experience and not a whip. Close your eyes and mentally hug yourself. Soothe yourself. Tell yourself that as of today, the chains are off. Tell yourself that you can’t change even the smallest thing in the past but starting today, you are going to live the most loving, compassionate life you can lead and every time that you feel like beating yourself up, you’re going to mentally hug yourself and know that you deserve that break. Repeat and repeat and be free.
(c)2012 All Rights Reserved, Patrick McBride
www.PatrickInspires.com